Frank has unfortunately got nowhere in the meeting with his manager’s manager, apart from the agreement that he was not suited to the post and that he can resign without being prejudiced for future applications at the same place. So we’re faced with a suddenly severely restricted income. It’s not even definite how long he will be in the role for, now that his resignation has been agreed. If he wanted to walk out tomorrow, I can’t say that I would blame him.
I have been trying to stay positive. I began by applying for a part-time job last night. I examined our financial situation in minute detail this morning. The good news is that we won’t starve, and we will have a roof over our heads, but a modest income from anything I can do will be helpful. The idea of a part-time job really cheered me up. I haven’t had a paid job for 14 years.
After reading a job description requesting a CV, I created mine.
That kinda killed the positive.
Truth is, I hate looking back. Too much horrible stuff. Too many blanks on a CV filled not with blank spaces in my life but with pain, and trials, and suffering. Can’t even look back to when my babies were born without being flooded with memories, not of the children themselves, but of anguish and daily torment and struggle. Biting words and flying fists. Isolation and despair. No money. Losing hope. Losing myself.
Blank spaces can be overflowing with anguish, and writing your CV can make you depressed. Who knew?
And yet… after the struggles of my childhood against abuse and illness, after a decade of disastrous marriage to an abusive husband, when I was a struggling single mother with two little girls and a disabled son, I cried out to God.
God heard my cries. He gave me the wonderful, steadfast, kind, warm, funny, quirky, generous human being that is Frank. And He has given me this desire to train for ministry, a burning that won’t go away. I should have known better than to look back. Looking back always leads to sadness. I don’t know what lies in the future, but God’s brought us here. He must have some plans!