My little girls are going to Theatre School for three hours every Saturday. They love it. They’re rehearsing for a Christmas show. Chip was singing Silent Night in the car this morning and when her off-key, cute little-girl voice sang these words, my eyes filled up:
‘…with the dawn of redeeming grace’
And later I read these powerful words from Pastor Boudreaux over on A Pastor’s Thoughts.
That made me think: I could so easily have succumbed to anger, to hatred, of those who abused me, as a child and then as an adult. But somewhere I realised that anger and hatred hurt me more than them. I realised I had to let go. That’s not to say the anger has gone completely – if I think about either of them I am so angry and incredulous that they did what they did and that (seemingly) neither of them will face justice (in the human sense). Mind you, I am quite sure God will have His own justice and I am equally sure that that is not my business.
Forgiveness is an ongoing, daily process. As much as I must ask God as soon as I realise I have done wrong, for forgiveness, so I must hand these emotions over to Him. He holds me in His hands. He knows my going out and my coming in. He knows this journey of forgiveness. After reading Pastor Boudreaux’s words I am reminded again of this grace journey – this redeeming grace that holds me as I walk, even in the shadows, and draws me on relentless towards the light. It is a mystery beyond words. I can’t help but be thankful that, despite all the suffering in my life, I have witnessed something golden in receiving this redeeming grace, something so precious.
‘The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which someone found and hid; then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.’
Is the kingdom of heaven found in the muck and the dirt? Is the kingdom found with the weak and the discarded? Is the kingdom of heaven worth giving up all that I have in order to have it, yet then I find that what I thought I had was nothing, after all, and that this treasure of grace is freely given?
Grace is a bit like wellie boots. The field is just as muddy. You still have to walk through all the ****. But you’re ok. And hey – sometimes it’s even fun 😉
It’ll never make sense. It just gives you joy. Be blessed. ♥