Yesterday was a day spent with a strong, persistent flashback, accompanied by ‘smells’. It made me feel sick. Worst of all was that I kept associating this memory with my dear husband, though he had nothing to do with it! That is painful. I wonder if Abba Anthony experienced similar things in his twenty years in the desert? When I finally slept there came a night of vivid dreams. I woke up so discouraged and disheartened that it has taken three hours to get going. Three hours is better than it used to be, though and for that I am grateful.
These dark thoughts, the looming, lingering, negative thinking – it’s like being confined to a dark, cold room, naked, shivering, chained and bound. You somehow forget that you can unlock the chains. You forget that you can turn on the light. You forget that you can open the wardrobe and pull on your clothes. You forget that you can draw back the curtains. You forget that you can light the fire. You forget that beyond the door lies a whole house. This is depression.
Then [Jesus] came to Nazareth where he had been brought up and, according to his custom, went to the synagogue on the Sabbath day. He stood up to read the scriptures and the book of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. He opened the book and found the place where these words are written—‘The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to preach the Gospel to the poor. He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to preach the acceptable year of the Lord’.
Then he shut the book, handed it back to the attendant and resumed his seat. Every eye in the synagogue was fixed upon him and he began to tell them, “This very day this scripture has been fulfilled, while you were listening to it!”
Luke 4:16-21 (Phillips)
Thank you, Jesus. May it all be for your glory.